Ad Critique Please!

[Dan Auito]

I will be selling a 2 bedroom 2 bath 2 car garage home with an extra lot this coming week. This home has new appliances, a new roof, new central A/C is totally landscaped and comes with an extra lot with an RV pad and hookups to boot.

Here is my tentative ad (in developement) See if you can improve it to be more clear and or appealing. Thanks in advance.


Bring the Motorhome (Pull in Today)
Immaculate 2/2/2 block home + extra lot w/pad & full hook-ups
2000sq/ft Under new roof w/all new appliances, new Central A/C
all on 2 manicured & landscaped lots w/storage, soft water and more!
$169,900 or $144,900 without the extra lot.
6409 E Vale St, Inverness Highlands
Call 352-341-1778 for Appt

[brianb_cobbres]

Dan,

You are limiting your audience with that headline and run the risk of alienating the typical homebuyer. Saying "Bring the Motorhome" is much like saying "If you like purple you are going to love this house". You are narrowing your market which may affect your ability to sell the house.

That said, should you decide to stick with the "Bring the Motorhome" headline then you may want to explain yourself in the body of the ad. Answer the question, what does "Bring the Motorhome" mean? Obviouosly you mean there is plenty of room to store a motorhome so just go ahead and say it.

I would consider sticking with a more tradational headline that will appeal to the larger homebuying market and adding the motorhome bit to the text.

Just my opinion

Brian

[Dan Auito]

I appreciate that opinion Brian and see your point. Here is how I see it. The home is really perfect for the couple or family who has a motorhome and needs facilities to keep it at their homesite. Granted the majority of homebuyers don't have motorhomes but I am targeting the audiance that this property best suits as my first objective.

Also this neighborhood is moreso elderly so it plays on that as well.

The ad does explain that the home can be purchased seperately for my secondary audiance.

[OzarkVU]

Will non-real estate savvy buyers understand what 2/2/2 means? They might move on to the next ad if they don't understand what they are reading.

Just my 2/2/2 cents worth.

Ed

[brianb_cobbres]

I appreciate that opinion Brian and see your point. Here is how I see it. The home is really perfect for the couple or family who has a motorhome and needs facilities to keep it at their homesite. Granted the majority of homebuyers don't have motorhomes but I am targeting the audiance that this property best suits as my first objective.

Also this neighborhood is moreso elderly so it plays on that as well.

The ad does explain that the home can be purchased seperately for my secondary audiance.

That makes sense. Let me ask this. Will the property support an additional 30amp or 50amp circuit? Huge selling point for motorhome and camper owners that might buy this place would be a way to plug it in. Smaller campers use 30 the larger ones use 50. Could be a great selling point if you have it or could add it.

You may also want to be creative with where you advertise. There are several large mobile home/camper clubs in FL. You may also want to see if the Good Sam Club or other such entities have an online classified section.

[Jim FL]

I will be selling a 2 bedroom 2 bath 2 car garage home with an extra lot this coming week. This home has new appliances, a new roof, new central A/C is totally landscaped and comes with an extra lot with an RV pad and hookups to boot.

Here is my tentative ad (in developement) See if you can improve it to be more clear and or appealing. Thanks in advance.


Bring the Motorhome (Pull in Today)
Immaculate 2/2/2 block home + extra lot w/pad & full hook-ups
2000sq/ft Under new roof w/all new appliances, new Central A/C
all on 2 manicured & landscaped lots w/storage, soft water and more!
$169,900 or $144,900 without the extra lot.
6409 E Vale St, Inverness Highlands
Call 352-341-1778 for Appt

Dan,
Are you trying to screen out buyers, and narrow your pool?
It would seem to me that an ad which is this specific, does two things;
1. It has too much info, and might appear to someone not seeing the property, that it is not what they seek.
2. It says, "older people only apply" because of the motorhome headline.

Sure, the home has a place for one, even hookups, on the extra lot.
However, the main attraction that would appeal to more folks than just motorhome owners, would be the condition of the property, and extra lot.

How about something more simple to draw calls in, then fill them in on details over the phone?


Something like this;

NICE, CLEAN 2Bed/2Bath block home, 2 Car Garage
+ extra lot w/pad & hook-ups for your R.V.
2000sq/ft-Appliances-Roof-Central A/C-All New!
Priced @ $169,900 or $144,900 w/out extra lot.
6409 E Vale St, Inverness Highlands
Call 352-341-1778 for Appt

Somewhat shorter, but frankly, from my experience advertising here in FL, shorter, and simple seems to work the best.
I might even shortern it more with less info, in a newspaper ad, but ad all details on flyers, and brochures that are located someone on the property for people to take home.......and of course, all over town as well, advertising the house for sale.

Sounds like a nice place still, and yes, I used some shorter words in there as well.
Immaculate sounds nice, but honestly, not everyone looking at a house will know what that means.
NICE and CLEAN, according to some marketing books I have here, work better, due to their simplicity.
I also left out the landscaping part, because it seems most people looking at homes to buy conventionally, expect a nice lawn, so yours will present an even better curb appeal to draw them in when they go to see it.


Just my thoughts, good luck,
Jim FL

[Dan Auito]

Well Jim, I'll have to go with your changes for all the right reasons. Hey maybe I'm losing my touch? LOL I'll run mine in one place and yours in the other to do a split test to see which one pulls better. I have a feeling yours will win this little competition.
(the wife liked mine better, but she appreciated your input)

PS Allan, good insights into the 2/2/2 needing to be explained, I should have taken my own advice and done that! Good eye.

As for hunting down RV travellers I hope they have the good sense to look in the classifieds if they are on the hunt.

And yes Brian the hook-ups do include both 30 and 50 AMP connections.

P.S.S. Jim, I'm not really trying to rule out perspective buyers but moreso TARGET the ideal buyer FIRST to sell the package deal to a very willing end user, plan B is after a 3 day targeted run at the travelling crowd then we revert to traditional ads to just sell the home in all probability.

I know I don't encourage real estate agents to frequent us much but every now and then their insights could be a plus.

[Dan Auito]

Ron Starr who I highly respect as an astute investor suggested this one:

$15K down, $700/mo
Inverness Highlands.
2 bd, 2 ba $144,990.
Beautifully renewed
thru-out. Second lot
avail: set up for RV
Phone number

I just get a feel like others would think I was a flipper outfit, trying to sell them a bill of goods. How does that ad make YOU feel?

[BCC]

Dan,
On Ron Starr's ad - I think 15K down is also screening out pp for you which you don't want. 700/mo is very appealing. Don't forget to include that it has a 2 car garage. The lower price point in the ad is appealing also.
Bernard

[Just Information]

Inverness Highlands Home with possible financing

Vary nice 2 bedroom, 2 bath and 2-car garage with extra

Lot with RV pad and Hook ups.

This lovely home has 2000 sq. ft of living space, Appliances, central air and much more!

Only $169,900. Take a drive by at 6409 E Vale St and call for your personal showing

352-341-1778

Be sure to add vanilla cent or bake up some cookies in the house.

Arrive early with broom, Windex and cloth to clean up turn on all lights and air as needed!

I would also invest in a Hepa air Air Purifier adds to a great sales environment

[Dan Auito]

Thanks John for the flyer I would say yours makes a nice case. I'm still working on the short newspaper version. A very good friend and cash rich investor/partner here is financing the deal so owner financing won't quite satisfy his or my objectives on this one.

Tammie Bryde is a long term financial officer and friend at B of A so if anyone needs a loan in the Tampa area, She's the lady to call.

Here are the financial considerations not including taxes and insurance.

Credit Request $169,900

80% LTV on low doc loan for 25 years Fixed 6.35% monthly payment $1,152.19 (NO ESCROW REQUIRED)
90% LTV on low doc loan for 25 years Fixed 6.6% monthly payment $1,179.31 (NO ESCROW REQURED)

80% LTV on low doc loan for 30 years with a 5/1 ARM APR 4.92% Rate of 6.1% monthly payment $1,040.58 (NO ESCROW)
90% LTV on low doc loan for 30 years with a 5/1 ARM APR 5.17% Rate of 6.25% monthly payment $1,065.42(NO ESCROW)

80% LTV on low doc loan for 15 years Fixed Rate of 5.96% monthly payment of $1,456.00 (NO ESCROW REQUIRED)
90% LTV on low doc loan for 15 years Fixed Rate of 6.21% monthly payment of $1,478.67 (NO ESCROW REQUIRED)
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __
Credit request of $144,900.00

Same rates apply as to programs listed above
80% LTV for 25 Years $982.66 total closing costs on this loan would
90% LTV for 25 Years $1,005. run about $1,053.00 no points cost at 80%
ltv may be financed into the loan and no
80% LTV 30 years with a 5/1 arm $896.17 escrow is required.
90% LTV 30 years with a 5/1 arm $913.48
There is no PMI Required for these loans
80% LTV 15 years $1,,241.79 over 80% LTV
90% LTV 15 years $1,261.91


Tammie M Bryde
Vice President/Client Manager
Business Banking
Phone: 888-852-5000 ext 3702
Fax 727-507-3495
Email: Tammie.Bryde@BankofAmerica.com (Tammie.Bryde@BankofAmerica.com)

[Brian Barringer]

I would include the payments and leave out the price dont forget to put in apr. Use a 10-20% downpayment to reflect the better looking lower payments also if it is a older couple they are more likly to put a down. like everyone else noticed change the headline because you are limiting yourself unless it is a 55+ subdivison. I would say RV access w/pad and hookups.

[Dan Auito]

The deed is done! The ads went in today and will begin tomorrow and in another paper on Friday, Saturday & Sunday.

I agree I am limiting my audience but I am specifically targeting another to attract the smaller crowd that this property perfectly suits!

Just as in the case of appealing to the majority, they too will see that they have an option to purchase the property without the extra lot and this may in fact make them work harder to get it!

Nothing like testing a little human psychology out in the real world.

P.S. Check out the attachment for another little tutorial from yours truly.:SM127: